Sometimes when I’m alone I brood. I believe we are all energy merely sqished into tiny balls of matter that continue the path they were set when they were born and brought into the world. That’s what energy does, isn’t it? It doesn’t have much of a mind of it’s own, it always follows a path laid down for it by workers when they’re putting up powerlines. That’s all energy does, and all we do. All we can do, to control this path, is make choices, and change our path. That’s all. Our future is predetermined because we’ve already lived it. When we’re born. When we’re concieved we being to grow inside our mommies, and are given the path we must follow for whatever purpose the higher beings see fit. After all, it can’t just stop with us. We’re not that important. We’re just a race running for the top spot that can never be achieved because we are always evolving. With every step and every move our society makes, we are changing with it. And we can’t control that, because it is set out for us as well. It is predetermined that we are made in such a way that we adapt to different situations, and make choices from them. These choices determine what we will live out in the future, and what goals and destinies we will reach, and where we will be going in our life. That will determine what happens in the end, not us, not what we think we are choosing. We’re merely the pawn in a chess set, waiting to find out what our players next move will be. We will not go off on our own, nor decide to disobey who’s our master. We will do exactly as he says, for the chess board only offers so many options after your opponent makes a move, and to play fairly you can only choose one of the offered options, not make up your own.
But I believe you can make up your own. I believe that the world is merely a plaything, given to us to see how long it will take before we realize we can determine our own goals. Determine our own destinies. I believe we will eventually live any life we want to, not even be energy anymore, if we like. Or we will learn to harness that energy, which is what will most likely and logically happen. We will realize our own potential, and milk it for all it’s worth. There will be sudden studies in wiccian, paganism, voodo, acient tribe rituals which involved magic, and everything else that told the practicioners the world was their plaything. I think this, because there will be a melding of cultures, a search for explanations as to why people will be able to do what they can do, and haven’t been able to do before. Like I said we will be the controllers of our own destinies. We will control exactly what will and will not be. We will decide, not the universe. We will be the universe, and decide for ourselves. Each and every person. And that is what will make us so lonely. The power for each individual to choose just what they want. They will all be an island, and be connected merely by water –something that is everywhere- and we will be confronted by what we try to run from. That will be our judgement, when we are faced with what we feared to ever see again. Everyone has a memory that they believe to be “evil”, or hate the fact they can remember it to the very last spark of their soul. Some just give up and stop caring, which is the wrong thing to do, considering that to find the true meaning of life is to grow up always knowing exactly what you want for yourself. This is what I want for myself, to be able to walk out that door, wherever I am, whoever I am, whenever I want to, and never be prosecuted. Just let the option be there to leave, and exit, I will come back! I just need a break once in awhile to contemplate what I will do with myself if I ever failed to see what was really going on in the big picture. I need to spread my wings, and soar out of that room, into the big, cloudy skies up ahead, and let myself fly once again, and finally be free from danger and creed. What causes us to be reality is what determines myself. I need to leave, and I need to go now. Now and soon. Need to go now, and I need to go soon. When I can leave, I know I’ll really want to stay, like in that dream. We were at a ballroom dance, or a party that was very elegant and upper-upper-class. It was confusing, so I hid in a decorative plant by the door, which was framed with pillars. I hid there, afraid of what I’d do. I wasn’t accustomed to this. What do I do? I hid there, and let myself go. Didn’t question why I was there, didn’t tell myself not to be afraid, didn’t do any of that. I just watched, and let my dread and terror sink away into the oceanic depths of my mind. Let it sink, right in there, until I wasn’t afraid anymore, and could come out of the pot, to leave the party and go with my friends to somewhere else. I wasn’t afraid of the party, I just understoood everything they did now, for some reason, and I kept on it. I believed I knew, myself, what was the customs, and the common, important things that one would need to get by. I walked out because I was accustomed to myself. I knew that I knew, and that was enough to get me by. I needed nothing else, but that knowledge, nothing else, at all, but that knowledge. To be free of the terrifying chains that rattled the sides of the planter, and kept my hands from seperating.